more collage

I haven't religiously been taking photos or scans along the way, but next week I'll have photos of my assemblages, which are craptastic. Here's two collages I made tonight, due tomorrow. Obviously they look much better in person. Scanning them at high resolution, reducing their size, plus uploading to Flickr degrades it a lot.





Second one is my favorite, and I think I will frame it when it's not required to be in class anymore.

In other news, my computer and/or Internet is being extremely slow.

More importantly, I have an addiction to Pinkberry, which is frozen yogurt (like the plain kind you get at the grocery store, not soft-serve ice cream like). I have had it every day since Friday, with no plans to stop. It's very low calorie and good for you, though the toppings tend not to be.

trying to cope

I find it very hard to fully take advantage of every day. Most often, I sit on the couch, doing nothing important on the computer. There are lots of things that I could be doing otherwise. Decorating. Working on getting my photography business set up on Etsy. Study for CLEP exams, of which I need to take at least 3 more.

Most of the time, I dwell on the fact that I don't want to be here anymore and how badly I want to be finished with college and move. When unhappy, a year can seem like a lifetime, and it can seem impossible to accept where I am now. I really want to accept it and become more productive. I want to know that the time will fly and before I know it, next year will be here. It's already been 6 months since we moved into our new place, it sort of feels like half that time, which is great!

But I feel like every time I take one step forward towards getting into the mindset of being happy, I take two steps back and become lazier. I keep making excuses for when I'll feel better. "As soon as we clean up the apartment, I'll feel better." We did last week, and last night the boy accurately pointed out how I was already saying I still don't want to be in the house. My newest thing is "As soon as Jolly can exercise again, I'll feel better." Because then I'll be able to take her to the park or the dog run for an hour and let her run, and I won't have to worry about her craziness or entertaining her. But likely, nothing will change, I'll just have an hour or two less time to sit on the computer every day.

I keep telling the boy that I want to one day have two houses, one that doesn't have cable or Internet. He's not quite so addicted to the Internet as I am, but he can't understand why I would ever want that because the Internet is so wonderful. I then explained how isolating it can be. Sitting at home alone on a computer isn't great on the psyche. He agreed to a point, but I feel like I'm losing the part of him that'd rather go backpacking than sit inside all day.

Well anyway, here's hoping things can turn around for me soon enough. After too long of feeling this way, you crack, and who knows what comes out, then.

obsessions

When I move to Maine, I have to take a potentially five hour drive to Lubec, Maine. So gorgeous. I'd live there, but it's a bit too out there, sort of like Caribou. Lubec is the easternmost town in the United States.

really not a good thing

When I have a full stomach, I can easily pass for five months pregnant. I think that's horrible. My stomach bloats so much. It's a food baby. But it's really embarrassing. Otherwise, it's relatively flat.

this is very strange

So the different kinds of "paint" I am using for my box are:

1. White house paint
2. Water
3. Spray Elmer's glue
4. Wood shellac
5. Light blue house paint
6. Acai juice [at present, I have just finished this layer]
7. White house paint mixed with sugar
8. Tea
9. Soy sauce
10. Hair spray
11. Gray-blue house paint
12. Mod Podge

Project's due Thursday, and I'm really tired right now. I just finished my five (I said six last time, but I meant five) collages. It's a freak show, I am not really proud of it, and everyone in my class is going to love it

My 'h' button is working strangely.

maine

I'm slowly winning the boy over in my quest to get him to agree as early on as possible to move to Maine. Yes, I want to move there, but he isn't so sure. He doesn't know where he will be in his job a year from now and he wants to go back to school, which he'd have to wait a year to do after moving to Maine.

But I've figured out the way to win. He has two Border Collies that live with his parents that he really misses. He was thinking of bringing one of them up here in a few months, but we already have one dog and I'm worried about how she'll react to living in noisy, grass-less Manhattan and away from her sister. Well, genius! Why doesn't he wait until we move to Maine, we'll rent a house with a big back yard, and he can bring both of them up. We hadn't thought of that before and it's a really good idea. Then I did something else! I told him if he moved with me to Maine, I would buy him a Belgian Malinois, which he's been talking about getting forever. But he has to wait until then because I don't want to raise another puppy who can only pee on asphalt. So then we'd have four dogs. He's thinking of becoming a breeder, now. Not of our own dogs, but you know.

Dogs are the way to the boy's heart. I think Maine isn't so far away now. Well, it really is. 15+ months is a long time. Sigh.

oh nos

Though I get very good grades, I'm really sucky at school. I always fall behind quickly because I start skipping doing assignments that aren't immediately due.

On Thursday I was supposed to start a series of six collages during class, but I misread the directions entirely and I wasn't prepared at all. Now it's early Sunday, and I tried to begin them an hour or so ago. But sometimes frustration powers work getting done, and I have just began some of the worst work I've ever seen myself produce! They're hideous! I haven't finished a single one, but I know I am going to be ashamed to display this work to my class on Tuesday. It's especially difficult because this is one of those assignments you can't start over. I have six specific sheets of paper that I have to use, so I really have to "make it work."

I'm also behind on another project due Thursday, and I mean really behind. I am supposed to paint a box (approximately 12x12x12 in size) twelve times using twelve different forms of "paint." We were told to start this two weeks ago. I have not yet begun. I am screwed, oh yes indeed. So far the only types of paint I've come up with are tea, water, house paint, ummm... well, that's really it.

I feel my creativity slipping away.